If you know me, I tend to lean optimistic. I’m not always a glass half-full gal, but most often I am. Something I had to learn early on in this process is that I tend to move to optimism before I really honor something hard or difficult. I think we all have some experience with that; we are taught not fixate on problems and try to see the benefits or potential blessings. At this stage of life, I happened to be REALLY good at that- which unfortunately meant that I rarely was validating the feelings of fear, worry, or doubt that showed up.
Remember, these were the thoughts that were consuming me:
How can I do this? Can I ever make enough money to sustain myself? What will people think of me if I fail? Is the market already too saturated with stylists? I’m not really offering anything that special or unique. Am I good enough to do this on my own? What do I really know about starting a business? I’ll have to settle for a job I don’t want because I can’t make this work. How do other people make it look so easy? Right, I don’t have a husband who is an investment banker. What if I can’t get what I REALLY want? I don’t want to feel disappointed.
So rather than actually processing these thoughts, I dismissed them. I pushed them down. Ideally to be replaced with a pseudo-optimism that I assumed would eventually take over. That clearly never happened.
When I’m in a meditative state, I have a very vivid imagination. I happen to dream vividly too, so I knew that when I created the space for me to reconnect with Little Ria, I would find some clarity. Maybe it sounds funny to you, but she had a lot to say! It wasn’t hard for me to place myself back in her shoes and tap into her personality. After all, my childhood was full of all kinds of imagination and play. When I stopped to listen, I felt genuine relief. I started to understand that she was feeling ignored and dismissed. While optimism was serving us, it was bypassing the truth of the emotions.
This is where the reparenting part comes in. I had to imagine if I had a little 6 year-old in front of me expressing these emotions and fears, what would I say to her?
It’s ok. Don’t feel that way. You can do this!
Nope, that’s not honoring her feelings and moved too quickly to positivity. This has been my default for DECADES.
I hear you, Ria. Going out on our own is scary and hard. I can understand why you’d feel nervous. It makes perfect sense that you’d feel that way. I assure you that we aren’t alone and can ask for help and support along the way.
Yes, I validated her feelings and gave her space to speak truth. I also showed her that I was going to show up and protect her when things got hard by soliciting help. No one builds a business (or blows up their life) without help.
I’m simplifying the work here, but it gives you a taste of how I’ve worked alongside fear, doubt, and worry. It’s not that I’m superhuman and don’t feel those things any more. It’s that I have a process to help put my Inner Child at ease, shift the invasive worrisome thoughts, and tap into my intuition for the right next step.
This process truly has changed my life.
